On Monday morning May 12th as I was driving around my neighborhood doing errands, I heard a live report from Melissa Block on NPR reporting on the earthquake from Chengdu province in China. As she was reporting on the horrific scene she had just left, her voice cracked and she was, for a moment, a human being- terribly affected by the loss of life she was witnessing. Michelle Norris, the program host, also dropped her “official tone” and responded as any of us would have, “Oh Melissa it sounds like it is so difficult…” Listening to this report, I too, was suddenly deeply moved by the tragedy.

This brief 3 minute experience put me in mind of two essential leadership and relationship practices: being open to influence and being real.

I remember a high school teacher who read us headlines from our local newspaper-tragic incident after tragic incident. I can’t remember his exact words but I do see him intensely waving the paper in front of our eyes and the words I hear today are, “How often do you let yourself be truly moved by what is happening in our world?”

There is no shortage of crisis and calamity. If we truly let ourselves be moved by it, we fear we would be left heartbroken and incapacitated. Perhaps, we are also unable to face the responsibility that comes with awareness. So we develop a protective shell. But we are lazy about taking off the shell. And so, more often than not, we are not only shutting out the world we are also shutting out our colleagues, our subordinates, and yes, even our family.

If you can’t imagine what is possible when you allow yourself to be influenced by the perspectives and emotions of the people you live and work with –then try it. When you are open to influence you might find yourself making new and unanticipated choices, and you might not. What you will do every time is enrich your relationships. And I guarantee you that a new space will open up inside of you. It might be tender and it might be rough and you might want to put your shell back on. And you might not. Want to know how this plays out in personal relationships? Read chapter 6 in John Gottman’s Book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

The NPR host was real when she responded to the emotion in the reporter’s voice and she had an impact on the listener as well as on the reporter’s subsequent comments. Susan Scott, leadership coach and author of Fierce Conversations tells us to “come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real.” Here is what she has to say:

“While many fear ‘real’, it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to have the conversation. When the conversation is real, the change occurs before the conversation is over.”